Days come when I don’t feel like contributing to this journal. The energy or the interest does not match well with my schedule, or my mind is too distracted to sit and reflect on what goes on within. On those sorts of days, I have learned to look outward instead. The inner me is the one doing the looking out, so the inner me is the one doing the reporting on the outward circumstances. Sometimes I am fortunate to open a door wide enough to get some glimpse of my inner workings. This morning is one of those where all the outdoors looks gray. I noticed in the afternoon yesterday that a low fog had rolled up the forest glen in which I live. I don’t normally see that kind of fog for another month or two. A rain storm just passed, and another is on the way, so the local weather is saddled in between these two larger weather systems. I should not be looking at fog, but high, puffy clouds, and shifting barometric pressures causing the eucalyptus grove nearby to creak, swing, and moan from the added stress of passing storm wind.
The unexpected condition of the current weather has me slightly perplexed. Having spent many years surfing and windsurfing up and down the west coast has caused me to always be weather watchful. When patterns deviate from what I expect to see, my gut-level response is to ask what is causing the unexpected change. It is a moodiness hard to put into words, an uncertainty looking for understanding. I suspect that in much of living my mind dwells between two undefined states, as this one today caught between a moody gray and a watchful emptiness. My temperament is so much like today’s passing weather that I must make this note to myself.
One of my favorite journal keepers mentions often that our emotions are such an essential part of us, a clue to our identity, and our emotions are so greatly influenced by the weather, that is often an important subject to discuss when engaged in dialog with one’s self. I take his message to heart and look for opportunities to apply it when I can. Though today I feel a sense of the doldrums between two storms, I look forward to experiencing the raw power of the one about to pounce on us.