Birthday

Yesterday was my deceased father’s birthday, in which he would have been 86 years old, if he had not died in 2003 on his own father’s birthday of June 30th. There is some history in the family of people being born or dying on the birthday of other family members, which always gives me pause to wonder whether it is coincidence or heavenly design. Either way, I felt a little guarded and cautious yesterday, and not very anxious to contribute to this family tradition. I am quite pleased and thankful to report that I did survive another day, but I do miss my father, and know that we all are going in the same direction that he has pioneered for me.

A drive over the mountains this morning through the front edge of a rain storm. The heaviest part of the storm is expected to hit the bay area this afternoon, opening the door to several storms behind the first. Something has changed for the good in our weather pattern. This warmest winter I can ever recall was causing many to talk of drought. Now we may get back some of that precious water table we have lost in this long warm winter.

I slept at the beach house last night. Since the house has been sold I’m not sure how many more times I may be able to visit. I opened the upstairs bedroom balcony doors in the middle of the night just to listen to the roar of the wind and the sea while staying under the thick warm layer of covers. Such a treat to sleep beside the sea during a storm in the comfort of a home. The world should be big enough and we should all have enough resources so that all of us can live a life like this. But we have maximized the use of our planet earth. It has become crowded and dirty as we continue to move toward a natural limit of what the earth can withstand. I still live with the notion that we should do our best to preserve as much of the earth’s natural beauty as possible out of love and respect for it, and as a means of exercising that part of our soul that knows about eternal values.

The force called progress seems so contrary to my own values and to my identity, and yet I am caught up in it. Here I am, a spiritual being having a physical experience, while my spiritual part is witnessing the destruction of the physical part; not only in my body but throughout the world. What a dichotomy, what a pain, to see the whole drama of humanity’s destructive abilities laid before me, and even though I can see it happening I can do nothing about it. I can only pretend that life is not so harsh, and try to fill my mind with little daily pleasures and diversions. Only two days ago was the first anniversary of the great Japanese tsunami that continues to leave part of the world in crisis mode because of the nuclear reactors that were badly damaged. I would like to forget about that horrible disaster, as would many citizens still living there. The images I saw last year of this complex human infrastructure being smashed in mere seconds makes me realize how fragile is my existence.

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